Last resort
by lyricsandlies
Summary: No ones ever really taken a further look into jess's mind sure she seems shallow and fake in the books but it isnt exactly pleasent watching the person you love/like pine after someone else especially as you've always been there for them.


Second best, that's all I've ever known and all I ever will know.

Some people just get everything they want and they never have to work for it, take Bella for example sure she's pretty but she is nothing special, yet she has every guy after her because she's Fork's shiny new toy. Edward Cullen "Mr. Elusive" she managed to capture his attention since day one and he's practically a God but it's not that, that really gets me, she's welcome to him. No, it is Mike he has always been the one for me. He may not be perfect to some people but he's damn near perfect to me. Sure he may not look like Edward but he's cute, funny and sweet once you get down to it. I've liked him for years now, its pretty darn pathetic really ….. he's never going to notice me like that and I'm still pining after him. I've tried everything to gain his attention I've tried being witty, flirtatious, sweet you name it I've tried it and he still doesn't notice that I.. .I…..I … wow, I think I could love him. It's not healthy to feel happy every time he throws a smile in my direction or to feel as if I'm on top of the world when he looks at me but it just happens and I not only hate it, I despise it.

To him I'm nothing and it hurts he's head over heels for Bella and she takes his too much for granted, not caring about his feelings I know why he asked me to prom I know it wasn't because he suddenly opened his eyes and seen me for what I was but instead it was because sweet, pretty Bella had asked him to. They think I don't know but I do and it pains me to be the second choice. Maybe that's is all I'll ever be. He tried and I thank him for that he tried to have a good night with me but I seen the way his eyes lit up when he took in Bella in her dress she looked beautiful. I felt plain next to her I could see him craning his neck when we were dancing trying to search for her and that stupid tight feeling began to spread in my throat and I had to blink back the tears.

I knew I shouldn't have resented Bella for it but I did I honestly thought I could learn to hate her then Edward left and she wasn't she wasn't Bella anymore she became this empty shell and how could I hate her when she was like that when she was so clearly broken. I tried to be there for her sure I didn't make grand gestures or anything but in little ways I tried to make her ,her again because she wasn't the only one hurting Mike was hurt seeing her like that and I hate seeing him in pain. By inviting her places and trying to make plans but she wasn't reacting to anything and then she finally did and it made Mike happy. Then it felt like my world had come crashing down when he was over the moon about their "date" to the cinema and it hurt it really hurt and the feelings of resentment came back I felt like ripping her hair out how could she agree to go on a date with him it wasn't fair on him or me or even her she wasn't over Edward. I was so happy when I found out that she'd brought someone called Jake along so, so happy but Mike wasn't and it made me feel guilty because he just had his hopes crushed.

Once again I tried to garner his attentions to get him to notice me and pretty soon we did become quite good friends he opened up to me we even went places then Edward came back and it was obvious he hated that fact with a passion. He was practically green with envy and it hurt knowing that all my efforts were for nothing he still viewed me as Jess just Jess. The following months were the same me silently screaming at him to notice me to like me to love me while he pinned after Bella, always glaring when he saw them together. Then the news of their wedding spread around school and I knew I shouldn't have but I helped spread the rumours that she was knocked up etc because really what else did anyone except from me all they saw me as was Laurens gossiping lapdog. I think that's when I decided to give up even though she was marrying Edward he was still hoping she'd realise that he was the one for her ironic really considering ive been praying for a long time he'll know im the one for him. It just hit me that every effort I made was pointless he was still hopeless for her and I was just his friend nothing more then that. I wasn't going to act like a pathetic love sick little girl anymore besides we were going off to college soon and he'd probably find someone who could replace his feelings for Bella, someone who wasn't me. It still hurts though, for a while I really thought we could be something one day but no I'd always be the second place, the plain Jess girl, who in his memory would soon be erased.


End file.
